Why Me?

Boy genius Michael Dean (Adkins) teams up with a super-talented chimpanzee and his caretaker (Modine) to take down an animal testing lab. In exchange the scientist gives the boy some pointers on the girl of his dreams.

In this tribute to the old time spaghetti westerns with a liberal dose of modern Hong Kong film-making thrown in, Emilio Estevez assumes Clint Eastwood's "man with no name" role. Estevez plays a super-quick gunman on the run from a rancher (Long) and his men out to kill him for killing his son. The gunman gets mixed up with a former Confederate soldier (William Forsythe) who has knowledge of hidden gold. The only trouble is he is also pursued by Union soldiers. When they free a man (Ed Lauter) with part of the map to the gold, they then are also pursued by Spanish soldiers. It all leads to a small Mexican town terrorized by soldiers and led a by a good priest (Joaquim De Almeida) who also has knowledge of the gold.

An LA detective is murdered because she has microfilm with the recipe to make cocaine cookies. A "Lethal Weapon" style cop team tries to find and stop the fiends before they can dope the nation by distributing their wares via the "Wilderness Girls" cookie drive.

A honeymooning couple become entangled in a plot to recover plates for counterfeiting US dollars. SHE thinks she's just retired from a government 'dirty jobs' department, but her superiors have other ideas. HE thinks she's a retired travel agent. Set in Spain, there's a constant flow of visual jokes, mainly at the expense of a group of incompetent thieves who are in hot pursuit of the plates. Many of the jokes are predictable, but there's enough to keep almost everyone amused.