Andrew Clarke

Tells the true story of the residents at Dalkeith Residential Home who sit around every day just waiting to die until staff buy them a greyhound. Naming the dog Dalkeith after the home, they discover she is a phenomenal runner and she is soon entered into the greyhound races. Soon residents are betting on the outcome of the races, and they are given a new reason to live. But the board of trustees learn what is going on, through the disgruntled daughter of one of the residents, and heavily handedly put an end to the fun and games. After the board's intervention the residents sink into a new form of despair as life becomes even duller and more boring than before. That is until the aloof pensioner, played by Ray Barrett, reveals he was once a high profile barrister and challenges the decision in court.

A girl from Beverly Hills tries to find her fathers opal mine in the Australian outback.

Fat middle aged 24/7 drunkard Les Patterson represents Australia at the UN where his fart literally incinerates an Arab ambassador. Patterson is reassigned to the Middle East so he can be tortured to death by the country he insulted. Patterson's arrival is the prefect distract of a coup and he is spared. At a bar Patterson meets a bio weapons scientist who's developed a horrific disease for the KGB whom plan to distribute it to the Pentagon via toilet seats. Patterson of course is far too drunk to understand anything happening and teams up with Dane Edna to save the world.