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Two and a Half Men

7/10
63%

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Seasons and Episodes

2013-09-26

Nangnangnangnang

2013-10-03

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

2013-10-10

This Unblessed Biscuit

2013-10-17

Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

2013-10-24

Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

2013-11-07

Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

2013-11-14

Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

2013-11-21

Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

2013-12-05

Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

2013-12-12

On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!

2014-01-02

Tazed In The Lady Nuts

2014-01-09

Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.

2014-01-30

Bite Me, Supreme Court

2014-02-06

Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe

2014-02-27

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

2014-03-06

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

2014-03-13

Welcome Home, Jake

2014-04-03

West Side Story

2014-04-10

Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick

2014-04-24

Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

2014-05-01

Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

2014-05-08

Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

2012-09-27

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

2012-10-04

A Big Bag of Dog

2012-10-11

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

2012-10-18

You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For

2012-10-25

That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam

2012-11-01

Ferrets, Attack!

2012-11-08

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

2012-11-15

Something My Gynecologist Said

2012-11-29

I Scream When I Pee

2012-12-06

One Nut Johnson

2012-12-13

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

2013-01-03

Welcome to Alancrest

2013-01-10

Grab A Feather And Get In Line

2013-01-31

Run Steven Staven! Run!

2013-02-07

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

2013-02-14

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

2013-02-21

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

2013-03-07

The 9:04 From Pemberton

2013-03-14

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

2013-04-04

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

2013-04-25

Another Night With Neil Diamond

2013-05-02

My Bodacious Vidalia

2013-05-09

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

2011-09-19

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

2011-09-26

People Who Love Peepholes

2011-10-03

Big Girls Don't Throw Food

2011-10-10

Nine Magic Fingers

2011-10-17

A Giant Cat Holding Churro

2011-10-24

The Squat and The Hover

2011-10-31

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

2011-11-07

Thank You For The Intercourse

2011-11-14

Frodo's Headshots

2011-11-21

Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

2011-12-05

A Lovely Landing Strip

2011-12-12

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

2012-01-02

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

2012-01-16

A Possum on Chemo

2012-02-06

The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

2012-02-13

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

2012-02-20

Not In My Mouth

2012-02-27

The War Against Gingivitis

2012-03-19

Palmdale, Ech

2012-04-09

Grandma's Pie

2012-04-16

Mr. Hose Says Yes

2012-04-30

Why We Gave Up Women

2012-05-07

The Straw In My Donut Hole

2012-05-14

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

2010-09-20

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

2010-09-27

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

2010-10-04

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

2010-10-11

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

2010-10-18

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

2010-10-25

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

2010-11-01

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

2010-11-08

Springtime on a Stick

2010-11-15

A Good Time In Central Africa

2010-11-22

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

2010-12-06

Dead From the Waist Down

2010-12-13

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

2011-01-03

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

2011-01-17

Lookin' for Japanese Subs

2011-02-07

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

2011-02-14

That Darn Priest

2009-09-21

818-jklpuzo

2009-09-28

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

2009-10-05

Mmm, Fish. Yum.

2009-10-12

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

2009-10-19

For the Sake of the Child

2009-11-02

Give Me Your Thumb

2009-11-09

Untainted by Filth

2009-11-16

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

2009-11-23

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

2009-12-07

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

2009-12-15

Warning, It's Dirty

2010-01-11

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

2010-01-18

Yay, No Polyps!

2010-02-01

Crude and Uncalled For (1)

2010-02-08

Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

2010-03-01

Tinkle Like a Princess

2010-03-08

I Found Your Moustache

2010-03-22

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

2010-04-12

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

2010-05-10

I Called Him Magoo

2010-05-17

Gumby with a Pokey

2010-05-24

This is Not Gonna End Well

2008-09-22

Taterhead is Our Love Child

2008-09-29

Pie Hole, Herb

2008-10-06

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

2008-10-13

The Flavin' and the Mavin'

2008-10-20

A Jock Strap in Hell

2008-11-03

It's Always Nazi Week (1)

2008-11-10

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

2008-11-17

Pinocchio's Mouth

2008-11-24

The Mooch At The Boo

2008-12-08

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

2008-12-15

The Devil's Lube

2009-01-12

Thank God for Scoliosis

2009-01-19

I Think You Offended Don

2009-02-02

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

2009-02-09

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

2009-03-02

She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

2009-03-09

The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?

2009-03-16

My Son's Enormous Head

2009-03-30

The Two Finger Rule

2009-04-13

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

2009-04-27

Above Exalted Cyclops

2009-05-04

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

2009-05-11

Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth

2009-05-18

Baseball with Better Steroids

2007-09-24

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

2007-10-01

Media Room Slash Dungeon

2007-10-08

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

2007-10-14

City of Great Racks

2007-10-23

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

2007-10-30

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

2007-11-05

The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room

2007-11-12

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

2007-11-19

Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.

2007-11-26

Kinda Like Necrophilia

2008-03-17

Meander to Your Dander

2008-03-24

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

2008-03-31

The Soil is Moist

2008-04-14

Winky-Dink Time

2008-04-21

Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)

2008-04-28

Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

2008-05-05

Fish in a Drawer

2008-05-12

If My Hole Could Talk

2008-05-19

Waiting for the Right Snapper

2006-09-18

Working for Caligula

2006-09-25

Who's Vod Kanockers?

2006-10-02

The Sea is a Harsh Mistress

2006-10-09

A Pot Smoking Monkey

2006-10-16

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

2006-10-23

Apologies for the Frivolity

2006-11-06

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

2006-11-13

Release the Dogs

2006-11-20

Corey's Been Dead For an Hour

2006-11-27

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

2006-12-11

Walnuts and Demerol

2007-01-08

Castrating Sheep in Montana

2007-01-22

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

2007-02-05

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

2007-02-12

My Damn Stalker

2007-02-18

Young People Have Phlegm Too

2007-02-26

I Merely Slept With a Commie

2007-03-19

It Never Rains in Hooterville

2007-04-09

Smooth as a Ken Doll

2007-04-16

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

2007-04-23

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

2007-04-30

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

2007-05-07

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin

2007-05-14

Prostitutes and Gelato

2005-09-19

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

2005-09-26

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

2005-10-03

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

2005-10-10

Your Dismissive Attidude Towards Boobs

2005-10-17

We Called It Mr. Pinky

2005-10-24

Hi, Mr. Horned One

2005-11-07

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

2005-11-14

That Voodoo That I Do Do

2005-11-21

Madame and Her Special friend

2005-11-28

Something Salted and Twisted

2005-12-19

Santa's Village of the Damned

2006-01-09

That Special Tug

2006-01-23

Humiliation is a Visual Medium

2006-02-06

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

2006-02-27

My Tongue is Meat

2006-03-06

Ergo, The Booty Call

2006-03-13

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

2006-03-20

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

2006-04-10

Golly Moses, She's A Muffin

2006-04-24

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

2006-05-01

And the Plot Moistens

2006-05-09

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

2006-05-15

Arguments for the Quickie

2006-05-22

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

2004-09-20

Back Off Mary Poppins

2004-09-27

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

2004-10-04

A Bag Full of Jawea

2004-10-11

Go Get Mommy's Bra

2004-10-18

Bad News from the Clinic

2004-10-25

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

2004-11-08

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

2004-11-15

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

2004-11-22

Yes, Monsignor

2004-11-29

The Salmon Under My Sweater

2004-12-13

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

2005-01-03

A Lungful of Alan

2005-01-17

Get Off My Hair

2005-01-31

Those Big Pink Things with Coconut

2005-02-07

Smell the Umbrella Stand

2005-02-14

Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?

2005-02-21

Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!

2005-03-07

It Was Mame, Mom

2005-03-21

A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise

2005-04-18

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

2005-05-02

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

2005-05-09

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

2005-05-16

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

2005-05-23

Does This Smell Funny to You?

2003-09-21

Pilot

2003-09-28

Big Flappy Bastards

2003-10-05

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

2003-10-12

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

2003-10-19

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

2003-10-27

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

2003-11-03

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

2003-11-10

Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful

2003-11-17

Phase One, Complete

2003-11-24

Merry Thanksgiving

2003-12-15

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2004-01-05

Camel Filters + Pheromones

2004-01-12

Sara Like Puny Alan

2004-02-02

I Can't Afford Hyenas

2004-02-09

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

2004-02-16

That Was Saliva, Alan

2004-02-23

Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats

2004-03-01

An Old Flame With a New Wick

2004-03-22

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

2004-04-19

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

2004-05-03

No Sniffing, No Wowing

2004-05-10

My Doctor has a Cow Puppet

2004-05-17

Just Like Buffalo

2004-05-24

Can You Feel My Finger?